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Mondays - Jim Lawter - Webmaster and Editor in Chief
Tuesdays - Six-Eye Jackson - Media Critic
Wednesdays - Scrud Kelley - Scam Editor
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A Day in the Life of A Scam Artist

Not that I’m saying this myself, but…

I scam people for a living. I convince them to give their money to me under false pretenses. It’s not a glamorous lifestyle, but it makes ends meet. My ends, anyway.

It takes work, of course. I’m not knocking old ladies down and running off with their purse. I have skills. I enjoy the challenge. And I’m careful; I’m rarely busted, and I’m always released for lack of evidence.

When I get up in the [late] morning, I have a choice of scams to work. Maybe I’ll set a long scam into motion. If I already have one running, I could farm it today. Or maybe I’ll just slum it and pull some quickies. I always work alone, so the decision is all mine.

Attitude matters, too. Do I feel like victimizing an innocent, or appealing to someone’s greed? It’s like the difference between kicking your dog or convincing it to dance on two legs in exchange for some treats. Only I don’t give treats to my greedy victims.

How illegal should I go today? Should I breech local laws, or Federal, or International? Many scammers don’t even consider this - since they won’t be caught - but I like to set the emotional stage. The thrill factor is a motivating force.

Do I feel like working locally or long distance? Usually that means going out versus staying home and working on the computer. It’s usually a choice between low-tech and high-tech, too. On a beautiful day, I usually go low-tech and hit the streets.

Once on the streets, should I go for petty gain - like a free beer - or pull a bigger score? A few fast change scams could net me hundreds today. Rainy days are more lucrative, as it turns out, because I can target the masses through email.

This is a good life. Little or no overhead or supplies are ever needed. I don’t pay income taxes. Of course I have no medical benefits, either, and I’ll never collect Social Security - unless it’s someone else’s. I have to keep spare cash stored away safely. You can’t trust banks and only a fool would use a credit card.

Scammers are too often pigeonholed as lazy ne’er-do-wells. Not so! We are skilled, disciplined, hard-working, and very effective. We account for billions of dollars of spending every year in the U.S. The economy would be crippled beyond repair if we didn’t keep the money moving.

So the next time you drop your defenses and fall for a song-and-dance to the tune of a little cash, or you let your greed get the better of you and lose your investment in crime rather than taking someone else’s money, please chalk it up to the cost of education. If you didn’t know better, well, now you do. You’re welcome!

Scrud Kelley

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