It amazes me that women still change their names when they get married. It’s not a law in any state, and I don’t even think any Western religion requires it. The practice comes from an ancient practice that wives become the property of husbands. If you believe this, then go ahead and be property.

If you don’t want to be property, you may have deluded yourself into accepting the name change under other pretenses. Maybe you’re ashamed of your own family heritage and this is your chance to escape, if only metaphorically. Go for it; I understand.

Maybe you’re proud of your male catch and want to flaunt it to your friends by adopting his name. Of course this means that your “catch” isn’t equally proud of you, because he didn’t take your name, did he? The cad.

Maybe you gave up your identity “for the sake of your children.” Bunk. Do you think the daughter of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward is somehow scandalized or socially diminished because her parents had unique identities? Get real.

What about furthering your family’s genetic line? Did your Dad truly resent your existence your entire life because it was a forgone conclusion that your progeny would be labeled under a different family brand? If so, he was pathetic and he failed you as a father.

What if the girl in the family is the true gem, her brother a dolt? Who should carry on the precious family name now, eh?

And what about furthering genetic lines? The sheer math of it all – not to mention incest laws – dictate that your family gene pool will shift with each and every generation. Inbreeding is an idiotic idea that creates idiots. Haven’t you ever looked at royal families?

If the goal is merely to pass a last name from one generation to the next, well good luck with that. Ellis Island changed thousands of last names. Criminal aliases, Anglicized re-spellings, official document misspellings, witness protection – there are plenty of ways that will eventually trip up this foolish plan, as well.

Chasing some lame concept of immortality? Except for a handful of people who made a difference to Human development over the last few thousand years, everyone is forgotten. No, really. Quick – name someone in your family who was alive 500 years ago. I thought so. How about just 200 years ago? Maybe you have a name, but who were they? What did they look like or sound like? What did they do on Saturdays? So much for immortality.

Look, lady, keep your own name. If he fell in love with “Jane Doe,” he should be delighted to be married to “Jane Doe.” And if he’s not so delighted, you don’t have to go to all that trouble changing your name back after the divorce.

Jim Lawter

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