Jesse James – the American West outlaw, not Sandra Bullock’s lying cheating two-timing skank of a husband – was killed on April 3, 1882 by a fellow gang-member looking to collect a bounty. Despite the portrayal in the Henry Fonda movie (Hank played brother and co-conspirator Frank to Tyrone Power’s Jesse), Jesse deserved it.

Where was due process, you ask? Well, the governor of Missouri put out the hit. Jesse’s killers were tried, convicted, and pardoned all in one day. That process was overdue in most people’s opinion, at the time.

Here’s why: Jesse James learned his murderous skills as a Confederate guerrilla during the Civil War, where he tortured, scalped, dismembered, and murdered countless Union sympathizers.

Married to his first cousin after the war, Jesse provided their household income by robbing banks, trains and stagecoaches. In addition to stealing hard-earned money from working class people, Jesse murdered several innocent bystanders in the process.

A staunch Democrat and segregationist (and poor loser to the Republican north), Jesse sometimes wore Ku Klux Klan garb while killing and stealing. The rumor that he was some sort of Robin Hood is total BS; he kept all the money for himself.

Look what it got him. Dead at 34.

Hodgepodge Grumblebeak

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