I was born agnostic, raised Catholic, and reverted to my birth state when I reached legal age. Still, lo these many decades later when I mention to someone who asked (when have I ever volunteered such inflammatory information) that I do not celebrate Christmas, they are invariably shocked and appalled.

Why, I cannot fathom. It seems some people actually regard my simple rejection of Christmas as an attack on all things Christian and American and Human. Some take it that I’m Jewish or an Atheist, neither of which I take as an insult.

I’ve been told to keep my peccadilloes to myself and just go along with the program. Give, receive, eat a nice meal, and otherwise shut up. I don’t have to spoil everybody else’s fun by not believing in their fairy tales.

I’ve been told that I’m hurting the economy by refusing to buy lots of unnecessary gifts for a lot of people I barely know and rarely like. Funny, I was under the impression that W. led the economy into the toilet.

Christmas has become a largely secular holiday. I even know Jews and Muslims who exchange “Christmas” gifts. Bob Zimmerman Dylan has a Christmas album out this year, for Christ’s sake! On that level, I’ll pass. I don’t like trumped up reasons to buy gifts for loved ones.

Christmas is based on grossly inaccurate historical data. I’m a stickler for facts, and to celebrate a mountain of errors and lies just goes against my grain.

Christmas requires religious faith in people and concepts that are deeply rooted in superstition, deceit, lost translations, illogic, and ignorance. Again, not the crowd I would hang out with.

Christmas is my boss’s excuse for laying off a hundred people without pay for two days because they’re “only” part timers.

Christmas is the annual excuse to interrupt my regularly scheduled TV programming to rerun old movies and cartoons and crappy remakes of old movies and cartoons. The only decent original Christmas cartoons I’ve liked in recent years are from South Park. Here’s the second pilot of the show, as a matter of fact. MAJOR language warning! Enjoy “The Spirit of Christmas” (a.k.a. “Jesus vs. Santa”) from 1995…

Merry Christmas, Brian Boitano.

Jim Lawter

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