Dear Vin Scelsa,

Me and Razoo Kelley gotta a mental health problem. More Razoo than me, way I see it. Maybe more of a mental wealth problem, too, since Razoo can’t afford to lose much more of what mind he got. Well, maybe more of a mental welfare problem, since Razoo could use some public mental assistance. At least he ain’t de-morally bankruptured like this guy Broadus what sells things on this SnarlyBoodle.com site. I mean, Broadus’s product reviews are legit and all, and he can sure use the commissions, Vin. He got so many ex-wives that he gets a bulk postal rate for his alimony checks. He even divorced the third one twice for good measure, but now he gotta pay her 2 alimony checks. Lately Razoo gets easily board, walks a lot, and I’m shore it’s the Miss America thing. He misses home. Yeah, we can hop the border south any time from here in Canadia, but still, our U.S. is a long time gone. Razoo misses black and white TV with coat hanger antennas, riding bikes without helmets, having civil liberties, tripping on a sidewalk or spilling coffee without somebody suing somebody, songs with melodies you could sing along with, fighting wars to protect our freedom and not to grab more oil, finding it worth the effort to bend over and pick up a penny, knowing words like “pompitus” meant something, not being able to check your phone messages until you got home and asked the people on your party line if anybody called, and stuff like that there. Personally, I don’t mind having to use my cell phone to pay the parking meter, or having warning labels on everything from peanuts to popcorn, or having my taxes used to pay China to make “American” cars – so maybe I’m the one with the mental problem. I think can cut it, but my buddy can’t hackett. Poor Razoo acts like a thrown away duck – he’s down in the dumps. I gotta figure what to do to help him. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about depression, would ya Vin?

me and Razoo Kelley

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