The cynical say that laws are made to be broken. Though I count myself among the cynical, I prefer a different tack on this issue: Laws are made to be enforced. So let’s ban the laws that don’t warrant enforcement (blue laws, spitting laws, anti-suicide laws, etc.) and pass a few that need serious enforcement. Such as…

Ban Political Litter

It annoys me to no end that political candidates – the very people who claim to be responsible – are such blatant litterers. These would-be leaders of our communities spread their gaudy, intrusive signage all over creation in a stupid attempt to gain our attention.

I don’t vote for litterers, so if your name crops up on enough roadsides that I actually remember your name, you are out of there. No vote for you!

Sure, you can buy billboards and bus-side ads, and ask your supporters to deface their own lawns with your pathetic pleas for votes, but lay off public property. Parks and roadsides are maintained for their beauty and our enjoyment, and just because you’re a public servant or a wannabe doesn’t mean it’s yours to deface.

Each political sign found on public property should result in a $100 fine. Based on the hundreds of eyesores out there, the litter bills could very well balance a lot of municipal budgets.

Ban Carcinogenic Litter

Every smoker kills. Stop whining about persecution and face the truth. You know it’s bad for you. You know it kills you and your second-hand friends and your unborn children. You’ve been banned from restaurants, office buildings, airplanes, and maybe even your own house.

Every smoker litters. You flick ashes and blow smoke and ditch butts and toss packaging. Your dirty, smelly habit makes you a pathetic laughing stock in the eyes of non-smokers. You are sick, addicted, and should seek help before it’s too late.

Meanwhile, every public smoker should be charged with littering every time they’re caught in public with a lit cigarette. How’s $50 a smoke? Maybe then our world would be cleaner and you might live to enjoy your grandchildren.

Tax the Weather

That’s right, tax the weather. We all complain about it. It’s too hot, It’s too cold. It’s too wet. It’s too dry. Okay, so what are you going to do about it?

Tax it. Tax the taxpayer, actually. Based on how many rainy days, foggy days, snowy days – some sort of logical rate chart can be hammered out – each taxpayer will pay some minor little tax that in a year may not amount to more than the price of a carton of cigarettes.

Now here’s the payoff: give it back in an annual weather lottery. Each region will pay the total weather tax receipts back to the public in the form of a first, a second, a third, and multiple fourth prizes. Each and every person who files a tax return is automatically entered in the lottery.

The result will actually have people cheering for rain and snow. I can dig it, can you?

Jim Lawter

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