They say suicide is illegal, but I think it’s more accurate to say that attempted suicide is illegal, since they never arrest the successful perpetrators. But is fake suicide illegal? Probably, if you use it for tax evasion.

This is what I did many years ago. Faked my death, that is. Nothing elaborate, though. I just closed all my bank and credit accounts, stopped filing any type of government form, and then moved to Minnesota, of course. Any friends or family who cared were notified of the subterfuge, but of course none of my creditors were the wiser. I lived a cash-only life for many years.

The Cash Only, Under the Table Life:

• no Social Security Number required
• no benefits like paid holidays and sick leave
• no pension
• no guaranteed work
• no rights to a minimum wage
• no guarantee of decent working conditions
• no ability to build a credit rating
• not able to open a bank account
• difficult to rent an apartment or car or anything
• impossible to get a loan
• no paper trail of income
• no taxman on April 15

Once you’re dead, it’s very difficult to come back. You find that too many people didn’t miss you, or the ones who did miss you still want that $20 you borrowed in 1982. Plus interest. You still can’t get a credit card because you have no recent financial history, and without credit you still can’t rent, borrow, or buy.

But the Internal Revenue Service is more than happy to catch up on old times. Plus interest. On top of penalties. They can even fine you for not filing a Zero Income tax return, so wait for one of their lame tax amnesty offers before you fess up. Otherwise, what they can’t prove, they can’t tax. Stalemate.

I’m getting to a point, I think. Well, you be the judge…

Our government claims that our – I mean your – Federal income tax dollars go to the following, more or less:

20.1% Social Security
19% National Defense
12.9% Income Security
12.1% Medicare
9.3% Health
8.3% National Debt Interest
4.4% Education
13.9% Everything Else

That was in 2006, but you get the idea. The Amish save 20.1% by not paying Social Security tax, but 1) they are a religious group and 2) they had to prove to the Government that they could provide similar benefits to themselves.

If you’re willing and able to replace all those Federal services using your own cash and wiles, go ahead and make your case to the Government. Just for goodness sake do not listen to those idiots who’ll try to tell you that it’s perfectly legal to refuse to pay taxes. They are liars and scam artists, pure and simple!

Wesley Snipes owes back taxes of 17 million dollars – plus penalties and tax – and faces 3 years in jail for his recent test of the system. Personally, I’d owe too little to make it worth extraditing me from Canada. But still, what are you willing to give up to not have to pay your fair share once a year?

Scrud Kelley

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