What’s with Hollywood’s insistence on pitting at least two bad guys against our intrepid superheroes? After the very satisfying mano-e-mano Batman vs. Joker (Jack Nicholson-syle) death match in 1989, the Caped Crusader had to face the Penguin AND Catwoman in the next installment. Then Two-Face AND the Riddler. Then Mr. Freeze AND Poison Ivy.

Then Batman was reinvented, but not enough to avoid tag teaming the Scarecrow AND Ra’s al Ghul against the Dark Knight. The next installment paired the New Age Heath Ledger Joker AND a new Two-Face. Who will be the next Terrible Two? Egghead and the Mad Hatter? King Tut and Chandell? Bush and Cheney?

You’d think it was a DC Comics thing – Superman had to deal with Lex Luthor AND General Zod, after all – but no, some Marvel superheroes are just as overburdened. Spider-Man had to take on the New Goblin AND Sandman. Daredevil faced Bullseye AND the Kingpin. The Incredible Hulk took on The Abomination AND his own inner demons (okay – that one’s stretching it).

(Group efforts are exempt from this criticism. If you pile on the X-Men, the Justice League, the Fantastic Four, then fair’s fair that the bad guys can form their own teams, right?)

And it’s not bad enough to saddle these often-masked, often-caped working stiffs with extra crime fighting chores, but additional distractions like Robin, Batgirl, Electra, and a stream of love-me-don’t-love-me girlfriends get underfoot like a clowder of cats at the top of the stairs. Enough already! Get out of the way and let a superhero do his job!

Is Hollywood just stacking the deck because they think it’s more thrilling for us to watch our superhero multitask? Or do they need more excuses for Oscar-baiting special effects? Are Hollywood writers so bereft of one-on-one scenarios that they need to pour gasoline on the fire? Do they think heroes look more heroic if they become circus juggling acts? Is this a make-work program to employ more actors? Well, James Bond takes on only one opponent at a time, as do Rocky, Zorro, and Captain Kirk.

No, it’s just the big city loners in spandex who get the one-two punch. They’re super, see, and can handle the extra workload. No time for wife and kids, just the occasional don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-caboose girlfriend, too busy taking care of business two villains at a time. The wet dream of every Type A Personality.

Let’s get back to basics, please. Sheriff vs. Gunslinger, Cop vs. Robber, Mulder vs. Mutant… simple take-a-number-and-wait-your-turn-style Good vs. Evil.

Six-Eye Jackson
Media Critic

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