No, really, why can’t the most powerful man in the world do something as simple as fix my toilet? I’m tired of having to jiggle that handle just to save water. The President surely has the resources, the manpower, the budget, the authority to delegate, the control of the House and Senate – what more does he need? He can use my wrench.

And while he’s here, he can have a look at my coffee maker’s clock, which has read “0:49” ever since the last time the circuit breaker flipped. That’s not even a time! Oh, and he can check that breaker box, maybe get some labels on those switches. We need a new screen on the back door, that cracked windowpane replaced, the handrail off the deck stairs tightened, the kitchen clock battery replaced, and the Christmas lights finally taken down from the front porch.

I mean, according to Republicans – as their whining voices fade into the echoing depths of archaic ideology – this guy should fix everything. Never mind that they couldn’t fix it. Never mind that he had nothing to do with the problems he inherited.

But I want to believe the Republicans, God bless their desolate little souls, and I’m with them on this one. I want it fixed – inflation, unemployment, health care, the wars, terrorism, global warming, the free trade agreement, human rights in China, starvation in Africa, drug cartels in Mexico, rover-bots on Mars – I want it all fixed. NOW!

You want to know what it must sound like from the President’s point of view? Check out the video below.

Jim Lawter

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